Friday, April 20, 2007

I'm Still Here...

I've been trying to write this post for a couple of weeks. But I kept getting in my own way. One thing most people don't know about me is that I have issues with depression. Not the "I want to kill myself" depression. More like I don't want to see or talk to anyone, I just want to lay in bed and cry all day and night, kind of depression.

One of the post titles I had was, "PITY PARTY, TABLE FOR ONE!". Kind of funny to think about it now. But that's where my head has been lately. I've been feeling so sorry for myself, and how my life has turned out. I suspect it's human nature to evaluate your life from time to time. Unfortunately, my evaluations always send me spiraling into despair. There are a great deal of wonderful things I could latch onto at those times. But it's always the negative things which end up standing out.

I have to publicly thank my Knit Friends for the joy and camaraderie they bring into my life every week. I also want to thank all the knit bloggers who brighten my day, just by sharing theirs.



Larjmarj said...

I have struggled with it since I was in my early teens. I would describe mine as a black cloud that sometimes is following behind me, sometimes overhead and sometimes enveloping me entirely. I have taken St. Johns wort, a natural depression remedy for years. Lately I have had to up my dose and be more conscious about keeping up with my daily doses. That is why I have to really push myself out of the house sometimes, I tend to isolate because I just have a hard time being around others when I am not comfortable in my own skin.
So... I understand.

buttercup said...

Another blogger here who understands. I've always wanted to blog about my depression, panic disorder, and agoraphobia (now there's a crappy combo for you) but my blog is kind of my happy place so I don't.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. St. John's Wort works for some and it's cool that larjmarj gets relief from it. I did not. You should talk to your doctor. Maybe you need something to get you through this rough patch.

You're not alone. I wish your bouts are shorter and shorter!

Anonymous said...

I can empathise too, shorty - my bouts of depression have got noticeably less as I've got older :-) but I can remember hoping that interviews or similar wouldn't clash with 'bad days'...
Hugs from your secret pal. Be kind to your self.